Some people drive me nuts. Tonight's assignment was about religion in the public school system. Think high-school debate - no, think about your first college psychology class. You know, where everybody had an opinion and none of them were though out. No basis to even go there - random emotional diatribes. Jeez. I like graduate school when people spend the necessary time to speak well thought out arguments, where if they don't take out personal bias, they at least own up to it and don't state absurdities as facts.

So what did I do? Well, after reading enough of those comments to begin to feel like them, I lowered myself down to flaming someone. Not cool. Not my style. And while my arguments were sound from my perspective, the delivery method I used could have been a bit more PC. Oh well. Next thing you know I'm going to get called to the principles office, given a time out, or expelled. At the least, I've put bad karma into a rather innocuous situation. Shame on me. On the positive side, maybe it'll get some SERIOUS discussion going about the topic and move away from the personal drivel I've had to read through (can you say endure?) tonight.

End of another long day. Smores are good. Sleep will be better if it doesn't come in fits and starts like last night - I think I drempt I was awake at least half the night. Tonight ambian will take me with her - the dreams are better, the rest is profound, and although I struggle to get up sometimes when I've gotten so little sleep (like it will be tonight), I still should feel more energized later tomorrow. Good thing I go straight-away to my second job and won't be home 'til midnight again. Friday's have begun to suck royally with the late Thursdays I've been keeping. The weekends are jam packed (unless I decide to hibernate and avoid like I did last Sunday - comfort food and t.v. flipping most of the day - when I wasn't enjoying being like a cat and taking frequent naps-- mmmm).

I still think of that brief delicious distraction a few weeks back. With no follow-up my mind wants to make closure where "not knowing" is settled in. Being a professional student it's the not knowing things that drives me - and which can drive me nuts. I want so much to believe in the good in people - that they'll call if they say they will, that they'll at least own up to being caught off guard, or at a bad spot in life, or in some way lend validation to ME- that " I " am a decent person. (See, the not knowing when it comes to human interactions is where I begin to beat myself up. Shouldn't have said that, shouldn't have done that, too much too quick, boring, overintellectual, psycho, etc.). I guess I just really like the dialog of life and closure is part of that too. It doesn't always feel good to end something - but somethings are easier to deal with closed than left open and unknowing.

Aren't they?

10-5-2005
midnight

(hug)

Last Updated: 10/5/05

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