It is often opined that a man might fulfill the secret purpose of his existence in the doing of a seemingly trivial deed such as a word said in passing or, perhaps, an action not acted upon (the significance of which, more often than not, is forever hidden from the doer).

Have I then fulfilled the purpose of my existence?
Have you?

IF doing so were so easy, then how are we to know when the goal is reached? Mayhap 'tis best not to concern ourselves with the trivial. Mayhap we should just ignore all possible completions of this goal and continue on. Else we suffer in bliss; unaware.

The past two weeks have been like a dream with no sleep. I move through the days and on into the nights (late late nights):: insomniatic. Antidepressants that make me hyper, antihistamines that dry me up so much that I feel waterlogged trying to minimize their effects; still chapped lips and less than 4 hours sleep have worn me out. Unwilling to get inside my own head I fill time with fluff; movies and television, websurfing and games.

Russ was in for the weekend and what a change that was to my pace. Sleeplessness allowed me to keep up. Visit, drink, nap, party; wash-rinse-repeat. He left Sunday night -- a whirlwind to be sure. Always feels like a great big hug when he's around. And now I feel sedate; finally sleepy. Still, wary of getting intimate with my thoughts, I force myself to ...

JOY!

...here, ever-present, mysterious in it's occupancy of my life; smiles inside kept secret for now. I glow.


(but you'd never know it)


(hug)
geoffy
:{)>
 

PS -- did you see my reports?  I'm being looked at in over 20 countries!!

Last Updated: 04/22/03

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