He's 17 ("I'm an adult now") and he skipped school today. Mom's scheduled a 'meeting' this evening to discuss it. I see the uneasiness she carries as she tells me. Parenting isn't easy; neither is being 17. And it's something I can't quite put my finger on that she's seeking from me. Advice? Reassurance? A different perspective? I don't know, so I tell her what I think - from the hip I speak.

All any of us really have to offer others is our integrity and our respect. We do the things we say we will, we act in a trustworthy way so that others will know what to expect from us, and we respect how our friends and family feel. This is what makes all of our relationships strong.

At 17, he IS an adult. He could quit school. But the wisdom of not burning bridges doesn't come until much later. So I tell her that skipping school may not have been a bad thing; depends on what he did with his time. Her eyes brighten, she's not really worried that he skipped school at all. She likes the approach of asking him how he chose (as an adult) how to spend his day.

As adults we are afforded a luxury we often weren't when we were kids. The ability to choose what we do with ourselves; what we do with our days. Sometimes those choices don't make sense to the outside world, but somewhere in his mind, this young man had a reason (perhaps a very good reason) to miss a day at school. Discussing this is an option I think she'll employ. Sure education is a value, but often it's value isn't found for many many years.

For some, it's found too late. For others, like me, it's still being invested in. It's how I choose to spend MY days. And sometimes it just doesn't make sense to the rest of the world. It doesn't have to, it's my choice. And this is what I share with my friend. Skipping school was his choice, and as an adult we're given something else we don't often get as children - accountability. Consequences exist for all our choices. Looking at the paths that lay in front of us we must each choose one -- and somehow reconcile ourselves to be accountable for our choice.

Regrets come from choices not made based on what we, ourselves, would have done. Freely chosen options, when approached with thought and insight into what those choices may mean leaves us with no regrets. How can we regret not having chosen something we didn't/couldn't/wouldn't do? It's only when we do something other than what we know is right that we can come to regret our actions.

This too may take some time to learn. But it will be learned as they say, either the easy way, or the hard way.

(hug)
geoffy
:{)>

Last Updated: 11/21/03

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