Christmas 2001  has passed and the weather has remained cold for here in Houston. It's the first time (I think ever) that I didn't decorate at all for the season; save the poinsettia mom brought by and the few (but altogether very special) cards I received. It's not that I didn't have time, although I'd like to use that excuse since I've only had one week at home in which to prepare. I did get the shopping done and the two presents needing to be mailed sent off in time (or so I thought -- seems they didn't arrive before St. Nick did -- dagnabit).

What was more noticeable than the lack of decorations was the lack of just about everything else that usually fills my holidays -- the people. In the 3+ months I was gone I began to see something I thought was clear before - but must've been only clear to Colin and Isaac when they told me I was "a softie"; maybe to others, although they've never told me so. 

I only a handful of the people I call friends phoned me and/or sent cards and/or came to visit. Many never called, never left a message, email, or inquiry with someone else as to where I was.... why I'd "disappeared" for such a long time. It was as if they forgot. Perhaps I set up a precedent of being the one to keep in touch. I call whenever I think of people (or whenever such a time has passed that I begin to wonder how they are), or when I begin to miss them -- and sometimes when I begin to wonder if they miss me. Reciprocity isn't a score card, it's a shrouded blessing that comes in rare and special relationships - hard to see but heavily sensed and felt; it's absence painful.

My perspective deepens, my awareness becomes more acute. I fight selfishness, I fight judgment.

I had some extra special Christmas gifts. A card from abroad, a message on my answering machine in the middle of Christmas day, a 3-hour-3-seperate-call phone call conversation in the midst of laundry night, a surprise call while I was at mom's unwrapping gifts, a 6am wake up call Christmas morning (remember there's a HUGE time difference!!), and a phone call passed amongst several to wish the holiday cheer and hopes of seeing each other soon.

The New Year approaches and somehow I doubt it's gonna be much different than any other. Adventure, chaos, change, reflection, calm - wash, rinse, repeat.

Last Updated: 12/26/01

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